Temperance 2.0

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Yesterday I wrote a post about temperance, which was a little rushed, and unfortunately today my post is a little but rushed too. The morning streams are becoming such a fun adventure for me that it is hard to stop them such that I have time to appropriately blog, so here I am at the Starbucks patio around the corner from my work typing furiously to get something written for you all to read before I go back to my desk job.

Yesterday I briefly touched on the subject of infidelity in my post about temperance. This is a big issue as today so many people are cheating on their partners. Now this post is written with regards to people that are in relationships. If you are out there and just single and mingling that’s one thing, and this post is not about this. This post is about cheating, and cheating only happens when partners are trusting each other to be true. If there is no agreement to be true, then that is another story. Now constant fooling around can be another article as well, because the lines can surely be blurred as to what you are in the scope of a relationship and people also often don’t communicate, but I will save that for another post.

Back to the post, I want to start it off with a message that a follower said last night in my stream. Czech_Meowt in my chat said,

“It’s the break down of society.”

I could not agree with her more. It truly is so terrible. Once someone cheats there is no way to trust that person anymore. That bond that you two shared has now been broken. I know what this is like as I have been cheated on in the past. It’s a shitty feeling knowing that the person you are with isn’t loyal to you, and worse that they hid it from you.

How can you go back to them?

If you have kids, or shared interests and possessions then things can be much more complicated as you cannot easily walk away. But restoring the relationship is not without incredible difficulty. Making it work out is extremely challenging because if the person that was cheated on wants to take revenge they can any moment.

Let’s say the one who cheated doesn’t text back soon enough, then the other partner can easily say,

“Oh where were you? Were you cheating?”

I know a person who went through this. It’s terrible. It was a mistake long ago, but forgiveness was never granted. Instead a vicious cycle of revenge was created as the one who was cheated on chose to punish the cheater who had since repented. But then the cheater felt terrible and was angry at the cheatee as that person would not let them be forgiven.

This is what happens when cheating is involved.

The stakes are never higher. And honestly its why I think that if cheating happens and it is possible to separate from the relationship more easily (e.g. no kids, etc.) then I recommend it. Because so much damage has been done and can be done, don’t put yourself through that. Just move on and try to rebuild, and if you were the one who cheated, learn your lesson so as not to do it again. And if you can rebuild, then that can be good, but in my opinion it is highly unlikely and it is more likely best to move on.

But also forgive yourself.

People all make mistakes, and by mistakes I mean serious mistakes: cheating included. It’s certainly not okay, but at some point you need to move on with your life and get back to living it. Don’t let a mistake ruin everything else. Now, moving on with your life is likely going to be with a new person, and that will definitely hurt, but that is consequence of what has been done.

And you have to deal with that.

Hopefully this teaches the importance of temperance. The need for self-control, to be able to choose and say no to alternatives. This is so immensely important in the case of relationships. I will tell you all this. Everytime I have been dating someone, no matter how smart she was, no matter how pretty she was, no matter how successful she was, I met other woman that I was attracted to and impressed with.

But did I act on my desires and cheat? No.

I won’t sit here and type this blog and lie and say I’m only attracted to the girl I am dating. That is a bunch of bullshit in my opinion. There are so many great, attractive, datable people in this world, and I am attracted to lots of them. And this is also how I expect the women I date to feel as well. If they told me they weren’t attracted to any other men and just me, I would accept it as flattery, but also as a lie.

Look, I’m cute, but there’s a lot of cute guys out there. I’m not that arrogant or stupid lol.

But back to my main point. It’s just that you need to choose. And both people need to choose this. One person who they want to be with. And that means that when others show up you don’t go with them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t be attracted to them, that is something that is out of your control. We don’t really create our desires, they just happen. But we are in control of our choices.

And that is what attracts me the most.

When a woman consciously chooses me over others. That’s what I really want. Not to have a companion that only thinks I am attractive and no one else is, but rather one that chooses me above others. That is truly special.

And you know,  sure this is sexist I guess because I am stereotyping cheating as happening more on the fault of men than women, but seriously guys,

KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS.

If you have someone in your life that is precious to you, and is amazing, and worth keeping. Show that. Don’t betray that trust. Learn how to be temperate, to control your desires and in doing so be able to foster a great relationship instead of compromising it just to have another fling.

Remember, life is about choices. And if you want life to be good, and not full of stress, you will need to make some. And I understand that those can at times be very difficult and also often paired with sadness. You can’t date everyone, and that is sad because as I said there are lots of amazing people to date, but if you want to make a serious relationship with one, you will necessarily have to decline others.

But that is the way that you will be able to have a truly great one, and in the end that will be worth it.

 

Keep Smiling,

Nolan

Can’t we all just not get along?

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Today’s post is inspired by Troof, thank you for giving me the recommendation to write. A couple days ago in the stream he suggested to me that I write blog regarding the mainstream problem American society has today in which people just cannot not get along. Yes you read correctly: cannot not get along. 

In other words, comfortably disagree with one another. 

This is a serious problem of today. Our modern society is comprised of many many individuals all with differing backgrounds, races, creeds, beliefs, and most importantly experiences. We all are going to think differently about things and as such people are going to disagree with one another. If we all didn’t we would be the same. But we are not, so the rest is history. And yes it is history. People have been disagreeing with one another for ages. Just read some of the old Greek Philosophers and see them dissing each other in their works. As long as man could speak, man could disagree. 

Therefore, we need to learn how to disagree. People aren’t going to start agreeing with each other all the time soon, and I reckon that human nature is not going to change either. This is an issue of the past, the now, and the future. So let’s all get real and instead of wishing for everyone to just magically be on the same page, let us start preparing ourselves for the exact opposite and how we will handle ourselves when we meet others that do not think like we do. 

Note if you don’t like this post you can go fuck yourself and die. 

That was a joke.

But it’s aimed exactly at the current issue. People today are far too hostile around people that don’t think like them. I chalk this up to people needing a purpose in their lives such that they assume a political identity to fill that void in their existence. And so when their politics are challenged, this is not just merely an affront to their beliefs, it is an affront to themselves as a person: because remember, these people believe that they are their beliefs. This is very bad for society.

Because people will disagree as started before; this is human nature 101. But with identity politics hitting the mainstream thanks to so many radical universities propagating this bullshit, people are taking a simple disagreement as a personal attack. Now, I am not saying that politics and personal beliefs are unimportant, but I will say that they are not the sum of you are as a person. They may be very close to you, but do not confuse you for your beliefs. You are more than that, and as such, when someone simply disagrees with you (remember they could have any multitude of reasons as to why: you don’t know their background, their experiences, etc) do not take this personally. Just listen to them and decide for yourself as to whether you would like to offer a counter-point back to them, or just move on. 

Now, if they are being an asshole to you, then you can take that personally. But if they are being cordial, and often times people who disagree are, then accept that they just think differently from you instead of declaring them as Satan. Besides, that us versus them mentality is so childish. E.G. making the other party out to be evil incarnate such that it is easy to ignore their arguments and points because their character is reprehensible. This is an ancient silly trick humans have long used to make it easy for them to ignore another side’s point and so that they can easily continue being content in their head and sphere of influence that they are indeed correct: when maybe in fact they are not.

This is the whole point of discourse. So that we can check our assumptions and see as to whether we are correct. Think about this reader. Have you ever been wrong?

Yes, you have.

So then think about this reader. Is it highly likely that you will be wrong again in the future?

Yes, you will.

And there is nothing wrong with this. This is just how humans are. I have been wrong, I will be wrong, and that is just part of life. I try to be correct, but the way I seriously pursue this endeavor is by putting my thoughts out there so that other people can critique them so I can check as to whether I truly am correct. And often people discuss their thoughts with me and check mine such that I abandon my previous thoughts, or I rework them so to make them actually true. This is the beauty of discourse. This only happens from discussing with other individuals and thus I highly recommend that you all start partaking in this exercise. 

Just check your pride at the door. Because other people will have great insight to offer. Maybe not always, but at some point I can assure you that someone will tell you something very profound such that if you have an open mind it will give you cause to check your assertions. And this is a great thing. We live in a very strange world. To this day, and after quite extensive thought and research on the matter, I have not the faintest idea as to why it exists, why we exist, and why things are the way they are. But I enjoy trying to figure these things out. The quest for what is true really is something quite satisfying, and I believe that the best way to come to it is via the Socratic Method.

This is the Ancient Greek practice of discourse amongst human beings. Plato believed that we all had knowledge implanted in our minds and that we had to just remember it. He believed that the best way for humans to achieve this was to speak with one another and use the differing view points of individuals to each grasp at the truth collectively such that by the end of the discussion a lesson would be learned. This is how Plato’s dialogues are structured. They start with a question amongst two or a few individuals and one the course of the session numerous other individuals stop by and offer their ancient two cents. By the end of the dialogue in most cases the parties involved have reached an agreement of sorts and they all walk away with knowing something new. 

I firmly believe in this method.

I have seen it work many many times in my life and I encourage everyone reading to partake in this. Not only does human discourse automatically lend itself to the gaining of knowledge as necessarily though talking will you learn new information via people’s personal experiences that only they have lived, but the discussion creates a bond amongst the parties involved such that they honestly work to learn in conjunction with one another.

This is absolutely needed today. In modern society we have the opposite occurrence. No one wants to bond with each other. People want to hate one another. This way it makes it easy to disagree and thus no one ever has to check their assertions. But watch, once you get to know someone on a personal level, it is often hard to hate people. And is it not funny that all of sudden identity politics does not hold as much water? Think about all your friends and family members that you know personally and how many of them differ in political views from you. You don’t hate them. But you hate that random person who has a political belief you don’t like. You are picking and choosing who to apply identity politics to. Stop that. 

This is my proof that people are not just merely their beliefs. Again, these are important, I am not diminishing that. But we need to get past this problem of hating on people that think differently from us. This is tribalism all over again. And if it is not stopped, it will kill modern society. Our current society only functions on basis that we have moved past tribalism. We live in a massively integrated world via our highways, water and power structures, complex governing systems and laws, and other creations such as the internet. But if we revert, and people start banding together into their tribes this will have ultimately have an effect on the aforementioned connections. Never forget that people are teleological beings. They operate towards an end, a goal of sorts. If a human decides that their goal is to benefit a certain tribe, or to oppress another tribe (as these often go together) then that will have consequences in the real world when they start actively working towards that. That could be denying a particular group rights via changing the legal system, that could be closing a waterway to a certain town, it could be limiting the internet so that others cannot access outside opinions, and much more. And all of these scenarios have happened before and are happening now. Do not get it mistaken. Currently we live in a rather peaceful society. We as a people have not felt the brunt of major disasters such as a vicious war on our home soil or the complete breakdown of law. But these things can happen, and they will happen if we do not look for the warning signs of the winds of change. 

I believe we are seeing some early signs right now. Political discourse is at an all time low. People just want to name-call and demonize rather than actually argue points. Politicians today also lack spines, where they are often afraid to tell their voter base that they are wrong and as such they change their policies as the mob changes its mind. We have too many career politicians today who only know how to live in current society as an elected official and as such they change like the winds so to stay in office. This is not what the founding fathers of America ever would have wanted. 

Wrapping up this rant, I really do believe that these issues start at the bottom. It’s at the dinner table, at the bar, or on the subway where you talk with another human being and share your views. And based on how people share their viewpoints every day they start to create a certain atmosphere that becomes representative of society. In certain times people were more cordial and they were more open. In other time they were even more hostile. Remember, things can always be worse: just read history. Currently, we still have it pretty damn good. Very few people are getting killed in the streets these days compared to what has happened in this past century. You can be thankful that since you are reading this that you weren’t born in Cambodia during the Khmer Rouge. Chances are if you were you wouldn’t be reading this. (Because you were murdered)

But, the signs are visible. People are hostile to talk with someone that disagrees with them. And if this keeps up, people will naturally segregate themselves based on ideology and it will become easier and easier to define the other side as the enemy, obviously because they are not present to be able to defend themselves.

You cannot understand what you don’t know.

And today people don’t want to understand the other side. So therefore they don’t know them. So then they label them. And then here we go down the rabbit hole. 

So, my words to you reader, is to start talking to people. Do your part and have discourse. Be brave and instead of running from the problems do your small part to fight against the tide and show people that we can disagree with one another. Fight against the tide of tribalism and identity politics and hopefully we can get our society back on the right course. We haven’t crashed into the rocks or sailed into the maelstrom yet, but I truly believe that we are on course.

Even with these alarming depressing thoughts in mind I still want you to keep smiling,

Nolan