Getting Settled


Today, my parents and I had a nice breakfast together before they headed up to Oregon. I got bacon and eggs while they both grabbed a drink and kept me company. My mother made the remark to me that I looked very tired. I instantly responded, I have been tired for the past four years. My Mom then said to me,

“It’s because you haven’t been able to get settled.”

I have been thinking about that all morning ever since she said it. It is so true. For the past years, honestly ever since I was 16 and we lost our house, I have been moving. The final two years of high school was just a temporary stay so that I could stay and finish in the same school (which I am very thankful for), then my parents moved off to Oregon permanently while I was in college. Every year in college I had a different dorm room so I had to pack up and unpack every new year. In between the years I was back in Oregon in a room that was mine, but not quite home either. You add on my internship and then getting my Masters Degree in D.C. for two years after and I had a few more moves. Then I was back in Oregon for a year and a half and that didn’t write work.

I then came back down to California in October of 2017 and then I stayed for about a year at my family’s place, then my brother’s place, and then one of my old friend’s place. And while I am very thankful for all the support I received from everyone, all of these places weren’t quite the right fit for me.

They were all temporary, and I knew that. I just needed my own place where I could settle down.

Finally, I have my own apartment, where I alone can choose what to do with the furnishings, my hobbies, etc. I have wanted this for a very long time. And I have to tell you,

It feels very nice.

Getting used to living alone will take a little bit of time for me, as I have lived with family and roommates for the last year or so, but I am not stranger to living by myself and soon it will be the norm for me just as it was in the past.

I have already started to get my place settled in and I am so excited for how it will all turn out in the end. I recently purchased the essentials for my place, a desk, a bed, and drawers, but soon I will need to get the next stage of essentials: i.e. art.

The walls are totally barren right now, and thus the place feels really empty and still like nobody lives there. But soon I will get it all set up and it will feel much more cozy and like a place that one can call home.

Hopefully then I will get more rest.

And the key word is rest. It isn’t sleep that I have been missing out on. I have been getting enough of that. It has been rest that I am not getting. It is a subtle distinction but I think it highlights the issue that I have had going on in my life. I have been traveling and moving for so many years and meeting so many people without ever having a place to settle down.

I really think meeting Alice years ago did a number on me subconsciously.

I met this awesome woman and the two of us just hit it off faster than any woman I have ever met. But she was a little older than I was and she was settled in her town of San Luis Obispo in California. I was still pursuing my Masters Degree in Washington D.C. and I had yet to figure out where I was going to live, and further if that was going to ever be on the East Coast or the West Coast.

Everything was up in the air.

And she knew that. Which is why nothing more really came about from that relationship. And I don’t blame her. That is just how it goes. Sometimes you meet people at the wrong time. And that is all there is to it. I often do wish that I could meet up with her again. Who knows, maybe something will happen. Most likely not. And that is okay, that is just how the wind blows.

But at the very least, I finally have my own place. Where I can more settled.


Keep Smiling,



Moving In

It’s been a long day so far. But it has been a good one. I am so thankful that I found a good place to move in to, and even further that my parents are here to help me.

I’ve moved before alone, and it’s really not fun.

I love my folks so much, and I think I’m going to love my apartment too. I’ll try to write another post later tonight to let you all know how it is going, but if not, then tomorrow I will have one in more detail.

Keep Smiling,


Ups & Downs


Many of you know that I am currently looking for a new place to live. Over this past year I have had the blessing to stay with many different friends and family who have all been so kind to me, but at this point I really just want my own place to call home.

It doesn’t have to be big, but it has to be mine. No roommates. I need to be as Borat would say,

“King of the Castle.”

Now, the issue with finding a place for me to live is not so much about hunting for affordability (though I am trying to spend the least I can) it is rather about finding a unit that is separate and free-standing.

With my twitch show it is absolutely necessary that I have a building with no shared walls. I simply cannot risk taking out a lease only to get a noise complaint right after. Some of you have likely seen me get them on stream, e.g. when a roommate came in my room to tell me to quiet down because I was too loud for them, and I couldn’t hear them due to my headphones.

Not fun. Talk about a down.

Getting my own place has to work for me, which means it has to work for my stream. So far it it just apartment building after apartment building available for rent, which for any normal renter is totally fine. But not for me: I am not merely renting, I am also broadcasting. I know that my stream can get loud, and when I originally started streaming it was in an apartment. I know what happens. So since I am truly committed to my stream for the long term I really need to get the right place for it.

Well, yesterday I thought I had finally found the place. It was a small unit in the back of another house and it was for the most part free-standing. It had a small room in the back that jetted out into patio outside. It was perfect. A small room where I could place my computers that was not sharing any walls with other renters, and further it was a decent spacing away from the neighbors as the patio was a buffer zone. It looked like the perfect place. The son of the owner showed me the unit and I believe he was very happy to meet me. He told me to call the real estate agent for more information and to discuss the application.

Here was an up.

I left a voicemail on the agents phone last night as she did not pick up, but I tried again this morning. She promptly answered the phone, to which I was very excited, but sadly only to inform me that the property had just rented.

And here was the down.

I was more than bummed. I had been looking for quite a while now for the right place to stay, and I have been to a few different units seeing if they would work or not. And many of them have been rather sad to be honest. But this one was nice, it really was a shame that it rented.

But that is how it goes. There is nothing I can do about that now, someone else beat me to it and now it is in the past. Time to get back to the drawing board, AKA Zillow. Everyday I peruse the listings looking for something to pop up.

And what do you know? I found another up.

This building is debatably better. It’s a lot more secluded, free-standing, better parking, and a better price. But currently there is a catch: the owner wants an unusually long lease. Hopefully when I meet with the owner the two of us can make something work out as I really believe the property and I would be a great fit. So cross your fingers and say a prayer that this one works out. If it does that will be a big up, but if it doesn’t I will be prepared for another down.

It’s a rollercoaster at this point.

But I know that eventually it will come to an end when I finally find something that works. And I will be so happy. I just want a place where I can kick my shoes off, do my show, and be “King of the Castle.”

And hopefully own a cat too. Having a pet would be nice. I will be living alone after all. Having a cat would give me someone to talk to.


I just have to stay strong and keep at it. Thought it really does suck getting excited and then getting bummed out repeatedly. I probably need to guard myself more and realize when things are pipe dreams and that they likely won’t work. But, I know that one of these bids will land soon. Hopefully tomorrow’s works out. I really do think I would be a great fit for the place. Either way, I will let you all know.

Thank you for reading, and for all those out there searching for a place to live, especially for your own place, I empathize.

I remember when I was with Alice. She had just gotten her own place at just under 28 years old. She told me that it was really hurting her budget but that she just needed her own place. That was back when I was just under 24 years old. She told me then that while she was not much older than me, what happened in the next few years for me would radically change my mindset and that I would start to understand what I actually wanted in life.

And she was right.

The time gap was small, but it was great at the same time. What has happened to me in the past three years has been honestly crazy. So much. And I have come to the same realization, I need my own place too: desperately. I just do.

When I finally am “King of the Castle” I will let you all know.


Wish me luck and I promise I will keep smiling,