Today’s post is very personal to me. It is about the woman who will always be special to me. Her name is Alice and I will never forget meeting her.
I was on the train from Oxnard California headed up to Klamath Falls Oregon. It was going to be a long ride, but I was no stranger to this trip at this point. I was prepared for the trip with a new trusty book, I was reading The 4 Hour Workweek by Tim Ferris at the time. I was settled into my cozy chair in the viewing cabin, where passengers of the train could sit with chairs facing outwards and see the areas that the train passed through. I was prepared to finish reading my book.
But then this absolutely gorgeous woman sat beside me. And she wanted to talk to me too.
So naturally I bite, and I get to chit chatting with her. And I was absolutely blown away by her. The two of us naturally vibed more than any other woman I had ever met with. We talked and talked and laughed and laughed. So much of us was in sync it was absolutely unreal. Then she looked at her watch. It was midnight and we were stopping in Sacramento where she was getting off the train.
10 hours had passed by.
They were the fastest 10 hours of my life. Neither I nor her wanted them to end. I asked for her number and she laughed and gave it to me. She told me that if I had not asked that she would have asked for mine. I loved that. She got off the train, and then I spent the rest of my ride thinking about her.
The two of us started talking on the phone regularly after that and eventually when I was back in California a few weeks later I went to visit her in San Luis Obispo. The two of us really had a great time together but sadly our relationship was marred by the fact that I was still getting my Masters Degree in Washington D.C. and that she was living in San Luis Obispo California. Further, she was older than me and she gave me some to the truest advice I had ever heard, despite not wanting to hear it then.
She had made her decision to be a teacher and she was very content with that. She was out of school, and settled into her career. She pointed out to me that not only was I not done with school yet, I still had to figure out what I wanted to do in life. She told me that while she was extremely attracted to me, she needed to be rational and not hold out in an irrational manner as I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life first. She had been through this with two boys before, and she said that she was not going to do it again.
It was very sound advice.
So I was off back to Washington D.C. but the two of us were remaining in touch. It was tough though because we both really wanted to see each other but we were 3,000 miles apart. It became clear that being so much in touch was making it too hard for us to just live our normal lives and move on.
Alice wanted to remain in touch with me, she made it clear that she was going to go on dates with other men, but again she stressed that she wanted to stay in touch. At the time I thought that I just couldn’t bear thinking about her going on other dates so I made the decision to end things and to move on.
What a stupid decision.
And I will tell you why.
No one ever knows how their life will turn out.
I sure as hell didn’t then, and I sure as hell don’t now. I thought back then that I wasn’t going to be back in California anytime soon, or potentially even at all. Well at this point, I have been living back here for over a year and a half now and I really wish that I had not closed the door with Alice.
Again, it was such a stupid decision.
And unfortunately, as far as I can figure out, I closed that door pretty good and I don’t think it is ever going to open again. So the least that I try to do now is to learn my lesson from that experience and not do the same thing again in the future. I made the mistake once, I am not interested in making it again. So this brings me to the main point.
Closing doors can be simply unnecessary.
Sure, in the moment you might feel a certain way, and it may seem reasonable, but later on when circumstances change you really might be kicking yourself for doing so. I sure have. Yes, I know, sometimes things may be hard (especially in emotional situations) but closing the door might be the wrong decision. Maybe you think closing the door will help your heart in the short term, but maybe you closing that door becomes “the one that got away” in the long term.
So you really might not be sparing yourself any heartbreak.
So my two cents for today is just that. Don’t close doors. Don’t be too emotional. Don’t over think it. Sometimes things might work out, other times they might not. But in the future they may work out. And if they do, you will be ever so thankful.
Keep that door open.