Finding Compromise: Revisited


A few days ago I wrote a blog about finding a sort of compromise for my stream. Back then I had decided that I had an idea of how my show was going to go and that I would not compromise other facets for that. Namely, my ability to get really loud. As such, it was almost impossible for me to find a place that work out as everything in the areas I was looking were stacked on top of each other.

The more I thought about it I realized that I needed to compromise my show a little bit. I was so focused on thinking about my ability to get crazy on my show I didn’t think about other aspects.

One major aspect of my show that always has been paramount while I often don’t realize it is my happiness.

SarcasticSatan, one of my long time followers, fan, moderator, and most importantly, friend, pointed it out to me one day. Paraphrasing, he said,

“We can always tell if you are in a good mood when you come to the show. You might think that we don’t know, but we realize if you are in a good place are not. And when you are happy your shows are great and that is why we watch you. But when you aren’t they are rough.”

Ever since I read this I have thought about this more concisoulsy. I need to make sure that I am in the right headspace for my show. And this means being in a living environment where I am happy. And this means that I need my own place. For many years now I have lived with friends, family, and roommates, and while I love them all, it’s like my old flame Alice once told me,

“I just need my own place.”

I will never forget my short lived relationship with her. It was one of those flings that comes straight out of a movie. It was short, and full of emotion, and it was a huge learning experience for me. I am so very thankful for that episode. I hope she is doing well and living life.

Her story of living with roommates and how it just didn’t work and that it was stifling her from getting out there on her own and really being able to live her own life really resonated with me. After all, she told me these stories to me personally as it was just the two of us together in her own apartment. She was about four years older than me and I remember her comment (again paraphrasing),

“In a way my age isn’t that much older than you, but me being almost 28 and you almost 24, so many things are going to happen to you in these next four years of your life where you get out of school and finally are forced to realize what you want to do with your life. It’s going to be a journey and you are going to need to find out what works.”

Just like her, I bounced around a lot in these past years. I went from state to state, job to job, and relationship to relationship. It really has been a lot of ups and downs and gives and takes. But at this point I have found that entertaining and edifying through my twitch stream really is a passion of mine and I want to make this work. And to do so, I need my own place where I can comfortably dedicate myself to pursuing this without feeling like I am burdening anyone else or being brought down by anyone who doesn’t believe in me.

It’s time to step out and work on my passion separately.

And I believe I am ready for this step. I have a job down in the area where I want to live so getting an apartment would be a healthy choice. I’m close to my work and it is an area with lots of little coffee shops and places to walk and meet people like I was able to in D.C. The area where I had been living at recently was nice, but very secluded, and that in the long run is not good for me either as I seriously draw energy from coming into contact with other people.

I am one of those types of people that really needs social interaction.

I know me. I could not live in the middle of Alaska, or in the wilderness. I need to be in a hip, happening place. I just enjoy meeting people so much, to be anywhere else just doesn’t make sense for me.

And besides not only am I able to meet people in a social area, and be able to walk around town, with my own place I never have to worry about the politics of dating with roommates, or worse: with family. I will spare the headaches and that way I will be able to honestly live my own life comfortably.

So now it is off to apartment hunting, but I have seen already a few places that look great. And while I will have to tone down the volume of my show a little bit, that is a compromise I am willing to make knowing that my overall happiness on my show is going to be much higher as I will finally have my own place to call my own.

So cheers to finding compromise: this time revisited.


Keep Smiling,


Ups & Downs


Many of you know that I am currently looking for a new place to live. Over this past year I have had the blessing to stay with many different friends and family who have all been so kind to me, but at this point I really just want my own place to call home.

It doesn’t have to be big, but it has to be mine. No roommates. I need to be as Borat would say,

“King of the Castle.”

Now, the issue with finding a place for me to live is not so much about hunting for affordability (though I am trying to spend the least I can) it is rather about finding a unit that is separate and free-standing.

With my twitch show it is absolutely necessary that I have a building with no shared walls. I simply cannot risk taking out a lease only to get a noise complaint right after. Some of you have likely seen me get them on stream, e.g. when a roommate came in my room to tell me to quiet down because I was too loud for them, and I couldn’t hear them due to my headphones.

Not fun. Talk about a down.

Getting my own place has to work for me, which means it has to work for my stream. So far it it just apartment building after apartment building available for rent, which for any normal renter is totally fine. But not for me: I am not merely renting, I am also broadcasting. I know that my stream can get loud, and when I originally started streaming it was in an apartment. I know what happens. So since I am truly committed to my stream for the long term I really need to get the right place for it.

Well, yesterday I thought I had finally found the place. It was a small unit in the back of another house and it was for the most part free-standing. It had a small room in the back that jetted out into patio outside. It was perfect. A small room where I could place my computers that was not sharing any walls with other renters, and further it was a decent spacing away from the neighbors as the patio was a buffer zone. It looked like the perfect place. The son of the owner showed me the unit and I believe he was very happy to meet me. He told me to call the real estate agent for more information and to discuss the application.

Here was an up.

I left a voicemail on the agents phone last night as she did not pick up, but I tried again this morning. She promptly answered the phone, to which I was very excited, but sadly only to inform me that the property had just rented.

And here was the down.

I was more than bummed. I had been looking for quite a while now for the right place to stay, and I have been to a few different units seeing if they would work or not. And many of them have been rather sad to be honest. But this one was nice, it really was a shame that it rented.

But that is how it goes. There is nothing I can do about that now, someone else beat me to it and now it is in the past. Time to get back to the drawing board, AKA Zillow. Everyday I peruse the listings looking for something to pop up.

And what do you know? I found another up.

This building is debatably better. It’s a lot more secluded, free-standing, better parking, and a better price. But currently there is a catch: the owner wants an unusually long lease. Hopefully when I meet with the owner the two of us can make something work out as I really believe the property and I would be a great fit. So cross your fingers and say a prayer that this one works out. If it does that will be a big up, but if it doesn’t I will be prepared for another down.

It’s a rollercoaster at this point.

But I know that eventually it will come to an end when I finally find something that works. And I will be so happy. I just want a place where I can kick my shoes off, do my show, and be “King of the Castle.”

And hopefully own a cat too. Having a pet would be nice. I will be living alone after all. Having a cat would give me someone to talk to.


I just have to stay strong and keep at it. Thought it really does suck getting excited and then getting bummed out repeatedly. I probably need to guard myself more and realize when things are pipe dreams and that they likely won’t work. But, I know that one of these bids will land soon. Hopefully tomorrow’s works out. I really do think I would be a great fit for the place. Either way, I will let you all know.

Thank you for reading, and for all those out there searching for a place to live, especially for your own place, I empathize.

I remember when I was with Alice. She had just gotten her own place at just under 28 years old. She told me that it was really hurting her budget but that she just needed her own place. That was back when I was just under 24 years old. She told me then that while she was not much older than me, what happened in the next few years for me would radically change my mindset and that I would start to understand what I actually wanted in life.

And she was right.

The time gap was small, but it was great at the same time. What has happened to me in the past three years has been honestly crazy. So much. And I have come to the same realization, I need my own place too: desperately. I just do.

When I finally am “King of the Castle” I will let you all know.


Wish me luck and I promise I will keep smiling,