A few days ago I wrote a blog about finding a sort of compromise for my stream. Back then I had decided that I had an idea of how my show was going to go and that I would not compromise other facets for that. Namely, my ability to get really loud. As such, it was almost impossible for me to find a place that work out as everything in the areas I was looking were stacked on top of each other.
The more I thought about it I realized that I needed to compromise my show a little bit. I was so focused on thinking about my ability to get crazy on my show I didn’t think about other aspects.
One major aspect of my show that always has been paramount while I often don’t realize it is my happiness.
SarcasticSatan, one of my long time followers, fan, moderator, and most importantly, friend, pointed it out to me one day. Paraphrasing, he said,
“We can always tell if you are in a good mood when you come to the show. You might think that we don’t know, but we realize if you are in a good place are not. And when you are happy your shows are great and that is why we watch you. But when you aren’t they are rough.”
Ever since I read this I have thought about this more concisoulsy. I need to make sure that I am in the right headspace for my show. And this means being in a living environment where I am happy. And this means that I need my own place. For many years now I have lived with friends, family, and roommates, and while I love them all, it’s like my old flame Alice once told me,
“I just need my own place.”
I will never forget my short lived relationship with her. It was one of those flings that comes straight out of a movie. It was short, and full of emotion, and it was a huge learning experience for me. I am so very thankful for that episode. I hope she is doing well and living life.
Her story of living with roommates and how it just didn’t work and that it was stifling her from getting out there on her own and really being able to live her own life really resonated with me. After all, she told me these stories to me personally as it was just the two of us together in her own apartment. She was about four years older than me and I remember her comment (again paraphrasing),
“In a way my age isn’t that much older than you, but me being almost 28 and you almost 24, so many things are going to happen to you in these next four years of your life where you get out of school and finally are forced to realize what you want to do with your life. It’s going to be a journey and you are going to need to find out what works.”
Just like her, I bounced around a lot in these past years. I went from state to state, job to job, and relationship to relationship. It really has been a lot of ups and downs and gives and takes. But at this point I have found that entertaining and edifying through my twitch stream really is a passion of mine and I want to make this work. And to do so, I need my own place where I can comfortably dedicate myself to pursuing this without feeling like I am burdening anyone else or being brought down by anyone who doesn’t believe in me.
It’s time to step out and work on my passion separately.
And I believe I am ready for this step. I have a job down in the area where I want to live so getting an apartment would be a healthy choice. I’m close to my work and it is an area with lots of little coffee shops and places to walk and meet people like I was able to in D.C. The area where I had been living at recently was nice, but very secluded, and that in the long run is not good for me either as I seriously draw energy from coming into contact with other people.
I am one of those types of people that really needs social interaction.
I know me. I could not live in the middle of Alaska, or in the wilderness. I need to be in a hip, happening place. I just enjoy meeting people so much, to be anywhere else just doesn’t make sense for me.
And besides not only am I able to meet people in a social area, and be able to walk around town, with my own place I never have to worry about the politics of dating with roommates, or worse: with family. I will spare the headaches and that way I will be able to honestly live my own life comfortably.
So now it is off to apartment hunting, but I have seen already a few places that look great. And while I will have to tone down the volume of my show a little bit, that is a compromise I am willing to make knowing that my overall happiness on my show is going to be much higher as I will finally have my own place to call my own.
So cheers to finding compromise: this time revisited.