Having an Unadulterated Passion


I know I referenced “adultery” in the title of this post. Talk about old-school click bait practices. Unfortunately that might go over most people’s heads because I don’t think the Bible is any longer on the New York Times Best Sellers List.

Jokes. Zingggg

Anyways about my post today. Recently I have decided to stop trying to “make it” as an internet streamer after my long journey of four years. Now, this doesn’t mean that I am going to stop streaming, rather it means that I am going to stop streaming with the goal of becoming famous and having large numbers of fans.

My last few posts elaborated on why I would not want such a thing as having any level of fame comes with many severe drawbacks. But, today I want to write on how having a true passion, devoid of fame and other responsibilities that come with it after it becomes monetized, is quite nice.

When I do my show just because I want to entertain my fans, that cannot be beat.

I am there live entertaining and conversing with my true fans, the people that have watched me for years through the highs and the lows, and really it is just about friendship.

Here my content is finally pure.

It isn’t about making money, or getting views, or doing any gimmicks to gather further support or ratings. It is 100% about interacting with the fans and doing it for fun.

Many times in the past when I did the show, my content would change due to my other motivators. Maybe I would dress a certain way to get views, or use lots of props, or be really loud, or play certain games, or in worse cases become greedy, and try to shame viewers into supporting me.

There were some bad moments.

But it makes sense. Once you have other motives, namely fame and money, influencing your passion. It changes how you approach it. If you are not careful it can easily taint it. I would argue that I am a decently moral person too. Hell I even have degrees in Philosophy and Theology. I am no stranger to moral arguments and at the very least consciously thinking about what is right and wrong. Yet this didn’t prevent me from taking my stream down some unfortunate paths.

After all, I am human too.

And just like other humans, I can get greedy, and I can be a douchebag. But this also comes with the territory. Once the goal is to make money and get famous, then you necessarily will start operating differently. Sure my show was fun and genuine before those were the direct goals, but maybe doing it that way would never guarantee the success and goals that I was seeking. So I decided to change it up. This often would get me views but often at the expense of changing the quality community I had as well as making my show less fun for me in the long run.

It was no longer about having fun with people that cared to watch me. It was less about a passion and more of a business endeavor.

This got me thinking. Why don’t I just keep streaming a passion of mine and just focus on regular work as my business endeavors? This way I wouldn’t have to worry or focus on money. My job(s) are for that. My show can now just be for fun.

Now this is a big development for me.

Back in the past I have always been very vocal about how I did not just merely stream for fun. I did it because I believed that I could make a living out of it, and that it was fun on top. What could beat that?

But many twitch streamers disagree with me on this point. They believe it should be about fun first, money, fame, and success should just be an effect of a true-natured show. I can surely understand their reasoning here, but I still disagree. If someone wants to make it on their show that is totally fine with me. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having aspirations. Why any twitch streamer does what they do is entirely up to them.

I am not going to make the decision for them, and further say that they are in the wrong for coming to their respective decision as to why they choose to stream.

But I will say, that now that I stream purely for fun, it honestly couldn’t be better.

There is no more stress on my show. It is just for my fun and for my chat’s fun. It doesn’t matter if I don’t get a lot of views, or no tips, or subs, etc. It is all well and good that I just enjoy the stream with those who already care about me.

The stream is finally unadulterated.

I have no other motivators outside of simply wanting to come interact and entertain my fans. As I am now solely focused on my business endeavors for money (which is honestly healthier for both me and for my pockets than relying on twitch money) and coupled with that I am no longer interested in having a large audience, my channel is finally about me being me.

Who cares if I don’t entertain a large crowd? I don’t. I already have my crowd. They are the Cult. And they watch me for me.

Talk about loyal fans.

But it really is nice this way. And it makes me feel very at peace when I do these kinds of streams. Many twitch streamers in the past have always talked about their communities that they built and mine was always a little different. I really do have an interesting mix of people in my channel as over the years I have played many different games, tried many different tactics, and thus my channel reflects that.

I have fans from the Counter-Strike days, the Rainbow Six days, the IRL streams, the SURF streams, The truck sim Streams, Dark Souls, Music, Book Talks, Chess, and more. The people that still watch all come from many different backgrounds associated with my channel, yet they come in to watch me.

And now I can finally give them just me. With no strings attached.

Cheers to making the Cult, a much truer cult.


Keep Smiling,



Writing all Day


Today I had a sort of half day at work. Got up, took care of work and then I was get started on the projects I wanted to get on to. And man its time to write.

First, I just finished writing all my thank you letters to my fans as well as addressing their envelopes. So sorry to everyone that it took me this long to get to this. I really was slacking, but now I am back on it. I got a little bit disorganized for a bit there.

Jordan Peterson would be ashamed that I didn’t clean my room for a few days.

So sorry, getting that straightened today.

Now that I have the letters all taken care of I’m moving on to todays blog post. Getting this up right now as you read, and once this is done then I will be on to writing raps until the stream tonight.

Hell, with all the rapping I am doing I wonder if I should start writing a weekly article for the paper or something. I honestly think that I could fit it in, I’m already working in overdrive anyways. Besides, I like having no time to nothing but work.

A busy Nolan is a good Nolan.

I also have a hypothesis about my raps, as to why they have started to get much better, especially my free styling. I think all this writing is getting my brain working on another level and that it is remembering more words than I used to. I really don’t have any other explanation. It isn’t like I suddenly got a lot smarter and read a ton of books or something, I think the usage of more words on the daily has been increasing my brain’s mental bank.

I also think that it could be due to the fact that I listen to intensely to lyrics now whereas in the past I did not. That deserves a blog post in itself. When I was in high school I could care less about lyrics, but now it is almost all I care about. If the lyrics are super trash, I cannot listen to it. Now, by trash this does not exclude party rap or turn up music, just things that I find offensive or wrong: which is a wide variety of which many of you would be surprised to find what is and what is out.

Most likely, it’s not what you all would expect.

It was really funny the other day I was chatting with 80purppp and I told him my favorite lines from his songs and replied,

“you listen so well it’s scary.”

I fucking love that hahaha! And I think it is good to listen intensely to lyrics, especially if you are working on your own raps. You can get so much inspiration and technique from the people that you listen through absorption. When I really think about it, my flows summed up would be a mix of Too Short, Tyga, Big Sean, Pouya, G-Eazy, and most definitely Logic. His rapping has had a huge influence on mine. And it totally happened subconsciously. When I was listening to myself freestyle I thought,

“Oh shit I’m going logic mode right now!”

So I recently I started listening to a lot of Logic to study his rhymes so I could work on mine. And dude I fucking love logic’s new album. It’s an absolute masterpiece. But that is its own blog post.

Another rapper whose flows have snuck into my raps is Jay-Z. And dude, I am cool with that. HOV has such a classic sound. I just hope my sound doesn’t sound like a rip-off lol.

And two rappers I wish I could emulate would be Method Man and Mac Miller. Those two are just simply amazing. R.I.P. Mac.

Well, today’s post is a little short as I have even more writing to do, but tomorrow is going to make up for it because it is Sunday. This means it is not the day of rest, but the day of work when Top Shelf and I get in the studio and make a new track. But it’s the most fun work I do, so it’s like rest. I think God will be pleased.

Especially with the messages, the two of us are working very hard to keep our raps real and not full of bullshit.

Time to get at it and like Logic says GET IT DONE.


Keep Smiling,


Putting in Work


As this year will soon mark my 4th year as a twitch streamer, I have been telling people in my stream that I now am a “senior streamer” as if it was my 4th year in high school or something. As such, I also have been telling my channel that I am not interested in making the mistakes of the past. Namely, pigeon-holing my channel into viewership based on one game.

To combat this I started playing multiple games on my stream. Call of Duty, Counter-Strike, Rainbow Six Siege, Rust, and others. But what I have realized is that Rainbow Six Siege is by far my best game to stream. I have many people come in to watch and hang out that otherwise do not enter the stream.

So that got me thinking.

I will do a sort of compromise. I will start my streams off with Rainbow Six Siege and play the game for however long I feel until I am getting tired of it (so as to not get sick of the game) and this way I will be able to satisfy my fans by giving them what they want, but also then get my stream rolling so that when I transfer over to another game later in the show I will already have my viewers.

I guess you could say it is a sort of trick.

But hear me out! It really isn’t as sinister as it sounds. Truthfully people watch twitch streamers for who they are, not so much the games the play. However, this is not to say that most people do not click on a show to see a game in the first place. So by playing the game most of my fans are looking for, but then by switching to another game later, lots of them will stay. Now, they might not have decided to come in at the beginning as I was not playing what they wanted, but now that they are watching they are content with my entertainment; which more or less stays static even though I play different games.

Thus, many fans continue to chill in the channel and have a good time watching me play a new game. In fact many fans of mine don’t even really watch. They just listen to me like a radio, so especially in that case the fact that I am switching games does not really matter.

But the point that I realized and that I writing here about is that I need to put some more work into my show. Just like at my day job where there lots of mundane tasks that are not fun but need to be done because they make the job work, so too did I understand that playing Rainbow Six Siege simply is the game that makes my stream work the best.

Thus, I really need to play it a little bit every single night.

Now, I am not going to burn myself out and get too sick of it like I did last year when I was playing 6-8 hours of Rainbow Six Siege every day. That was just way too much. But, I need to meet somewhere in the middle. Not play the game so much I hate it, but play it a little bit so that the majority of my viewers are happy.

So that is it, time to put in some more work and put a new level of dedication to Rainbow Six Siege as my main game for the show. I also think it would be better for the stream if there really is one game that I am extremely good at. Now my stream nows me when I say that my show is not about video games, and that is still something I largely believe to be true, but alas I am on twitch, and there is absolutely no way it would hurt to have one game that I am exceptional at.

I can’t be amazing at all video games, but I think it would be smart to be at least really good at one of them. And when it comes to Rainbow Six Siege I already have demonstrated that I can play at a very high skill level, so now it just takes time for me to play smart, study up, and get that skill back and then some.

Besides, it’s time to make some more highlights anyways.


See you in the chat, and keep smiling,


Show them nothing but Gratitude


Most of you are familiar that I started live streaming again about a month and a half ago, but it was not until about two weeks ago that I seriously committed myself to my new schedule. This was honestly a large step for me as I had never done this before. In the past I had always copped out from setting a rigid schedule in some type of way.

I would either have days off, or different times for different days, and if I had a schedule I never stuck to it. But this time around I decided to. I was tired of my show not growing and I knew that the reason was because I was not dedicated to it. It was time to start getting dedicated. So I made the schedule and here we are. And the results have been fantastic.

I have nothing but gratitude for all the viewers that have come to my show over these past two weeks.

Old and new, people have been tuning in day after day to watch me and it honestly melts my heart. I promise I will keep at it everyone.

So this brings me to the title of today’s post. Again, I am filled with gratitude for all the support that I have been getting from my channel; and not just viewership, but also financial.

These past few days in particular have been very good to me. Finn came in and gave me a very large tip, as well as G_Shot, Dmanzime, Pyro, and others. Seeing so many different fans come in and tip me so well made me think about how I wanted to just say more than “thank you.”

I decided that I wanted to write them “thank you.”

So here we were. I had then made the decision to write a letter to everyone that tipped my show 20$. I thought that was a good amount as if I wrote letters in support of 1$ tips I wouldn’t end up making any money after postage. Sort of self-defeating. And then I thought that if I was writing letters for the sums in between then it would just be too much for me to handle. So that was how I chose my parameters.

The next day my mother called. She had concern for my letter idea. She said,

“Your letter is sort of a prize. And if you only write letters back to the people who tip 20$ or more, wouldn’t that make those who tip less feel like they aren’y important enough?”

My mother was right, as always. After all, I we all know from my post earlier this week that everyone is important. So I decided to change my stance.

From now on, whoever tips my show 3$ or more will get a letter.

Everyone is important, and if I have to do more work writing more letters than I am happy to do so. Writing a plethora of letters to fans is a great problem I would like to have.

But anything under 3$ I’m not going to bother with only because after postage (the paper I write on (which is nice paper by the way), the envelope itself, and the stamp) I wouldn’t be making out with much money. And the whole point of tips is to put something in my bank account after all.

So cheers to everyone that has been supporting my show, in every way that you do.

From the viewership, to the subscriptions, to the retweets, to the tips. I absolutely and indebted to you all for it and I appreciate the gratitude. I am very excited for this new year of 2019 and for what it holds.

Today after work I checked out this little cottage that I am going to bid to rent. It would be perfect for me and my show. It has a small separate room that shares no walls with any neighbors and also has a yard around so that sound can be dampened. Renting has been an issue for me as I the last thing I want is to get a place but then have an instant noise complaint. So apartments have been essentially a no-go and looking for free standing structures is tougher to find. But I think the waiting period may be over and this one will work.

Again, my deepest thanks to everyone that has been staying updated with me throughout these past few months. A lot has certainly happened for me in them but it looks that everything is starting to stabilize. But, back to my main point so I can finish this post and then get ready for my stream, gratitude is absolutely essential. If people are supporting you in your life, reach out and thank them. Do not merely accept their kindness without letting them know how much it means.

And further, I encourage you to go the extra mile. This does not have be extreme by the way. Take for example my letters. I really do want to show my followers that I care about them and that their support means much to me. So I will write to them. Is this going to cost me a lot of money? No, not really. It will cost me more time than anything. But it is absolutely worth it because it is my weapon of proof that I do care about my chat. Most streamers won’t go farther than saying a verbal “thank you” on stream, (which is not bad, it is what is appropriate and normal actually) but I want to separate myself from them by doing something more.

So I write.

And this is how I do it. It doesn’t necessarily have to be how you do it, although I would encourage it as it is relatively inexpensive and highly effective. People can hold on to letters for the rest of their life and reread them. Saying “thank you” on stream in the moment happens and then it is gone. It just is not the same.

But whatever it is that you might choose to do, make it unique, and make it something that shows you are going a step above the rest so to demonstrate your gratitude for those in your life that take care of you. It only looks daunting before you start doing it, but once you get in the habit of working at thanking those who help you, you will feel so much better about yourself as well.

So all of you reading that have others in your life that support you, whether they are local or on the internet, show them nothing but gratitude.


Keep Smiling,