Ups & Downs


Many of you know that I am currently looking for a new place to live. Over this past year I have had the blessing to stay with many different friends and family who have all been so kind to me, but at this point I really just want my own place to call home.

It doesn’t have to be big, but it has to be mine. No roommates. I need to be as Borat would say,

“King of the Castle.”

Now, the issue with finding a place for me to live is not so much about hunting for affordability (though I am trying to spend the least I can) it is rather about finding a unit that is separate and free-standing.

With my twitch show it is absolutely necessary that I have a building with no shared walls. I simply cannot risk taking out a lease only to get a noise complaint right after. Some of you have likely seen me get them on stream, e.g. when a roommate came in my room to tell me to quiet down because I was too loud for them, and I couldn’t hear them due to my headphones.

Not fun. Talk about a down.

Getting my own place has to work for me, which means it has to work for my stream. So far it it just apartment building after apartment building available for rent, which for any normal renter is totally fine. But not for me: I am not merely renting, I am also broadcasting. I know that my stream can get loud, and when I originally started streaming it was in an apartment. I know what happens. So since I am truly committed to my stream for the long term I really need to get the right place for it.

Well, yesterday I thought I had finally found the place. It was a small unit in the back of another house and it was for the most part free-standing. It had a small room in the back that jetted out into patio outside. It was perfect. A small room where I could place my computers that was not sharing any walls with other renters, and further it was a decent spacing away from the neighbors as the patio was a buffer zone. It looked like the perfect place. The son of the owner showed me the unit and I believe he was very happy to meet me. He told me to call the real estate agent for more information and to discuss the application.

Here was an up.

I left a voicemail on the agents phone last night as she did not pick up, but I tried again this morning. She promptly answered the phone, to which I was very excited, but sadly only to inform me that the property had just rented.

And here was the down.

I was more than bummed. I had been looking for quite a while now for the right place to stay, and I have been to a few different units seeing if they would work or not. And many of them have been rather sad to be honest. But this one was nice, it really was a shame that it rented.

But that is how it goes. There is nothing I can do about that now, someone else beat me to it and now it is in the past. Time to get back to the drawing board, AKA Zillow. Everyday I peruse the listings looking for something to pop up.

And what do you know? I found another up.

This building is debatably better. It’s a lot more secluded, free-standing, better parking, and a better price. But currently there is a catch: the owner wants an unusually long lease. Hopefully when I meet with the owner the two of us can make something work out as I really believe the property and I would be a great fit. So cross your fingers and say a prayer that this one works out. If it does that will be a big up, but if it doesn’t I will be prepared for another down.

It’s a rollercoaster at this point.

But I know that eventually it will come to an end when I finally find something that works. And I will be so happy. I just want a place where I can kick my shoes off, do my show, and be “King of the Castle.”

And hopefully own a cat too. Having a pet would be nice. I will be living alone after all. Having a cat would give me someone to talk to.


I just have to stay strong and keep at it. Thought it really does suck getting excited and then getting bummed out repeatedly. I probably need to guard myself more and realize when things are pipe dreams and that they likely won’t work. But, I know that one of these bids will land soon. Hopefully tomorrow’s works out. I really do think I would be a great fit for the place. Either way, I will let you all know.

Thank you for reading, and for all those out there searching for a place to live, especially for your own place, I empathize.

I remember when I was with Alice. She had just gotten her own place at just under 28 years old. She told me that it was really hurting her budget but that she just needed her own place. That was back when I was just under 24 years old. She told me then that while she was not much older than me, what happened in the next few years for me would radically change my mindset and that I would start to understand what I actually wanted in life.

And she was right.

The time gap was small, but it was great at the same time. What has happened to me in the past three years has been honestly crazy. So much. And I have come to the same realization, I need my own place too: desperately. I just do.

When I finally am “King of the Castle” I will let you all know.


Wish me luck and I promise I will keep smiling,


Don’t do it for the 100, Do it for the 1.

Recently I have begun playing Call of Duty Black Ops 4 for the PC on my twitch stream. And I have found something quite amazing. In the Battle Royale mode, a chat client is enabled allowing all players in the game to talk to one another. Now, for most people there is little point in using this other than talking some shit, but for me it is otherwise.

I now have an avenue to advertise my stream to 99 other players every single Battle Royale I play. This I simply fantastic. I have yet to play a single game where I can get this level of attention for my stream so easily. Many games have few players involved so the reach is not that big when it is possible to message them, and other Battle Royale games do not even have a chat client to begin with. To find a game that has a ton of players and a working chat client is unbelievable.

So I have been at it.

Every game I say hello to the players, follow up with a message about watching my show if they die (99% of them will since only 1 out of 100 people can win the game), and then I post the link to my twitch stream. (

And oh my God you know what happens next.


“Fuck your stream”

“Why would I watch trash”

“Probably has 0 viewers”


And more. Much more.

But do you want to know the truth? How I really feel? The truth of the matter is

I could not give





And I will tell you why. Streaming is not about the haters. It is about the fans. Not everyone is going to like you. That is just not at all ever in the realm of possibility in this life. So I don’t look for it. And you shouldn’t either.  And if you do you should stop. Otherwise your life is going to be miserable because you want something absolutely unreasonable.

So when I post my link, I don’t do it thinking all of the people in the game are going to come in and check out my channel and love me. In fact I think the contrary. I post my link for that potential one person who is interested and comes in checks me out and then has a good time watching my show.

I do it for the 1 not for the 100.


Focus on the right people, not all the people. Aim to gather fans, and ignore the hate. The only way to grow a fanbase is to get out there. And that means weathering the storm of everyone telling you that you are shit and you can’t and won’t make it. Welcome to being an entrepreneur. That is just how the dice rolls. At times the hate sucks and it can be hard to deal with it, but my advice for how to do so is twofold.

First accept that it is standard. You aren’t special. People aren’t hating on you because of who you are. (Remember they don’t even know you, they haven’t even watched your show) They are hating on you because of what you are trying to do. By putting yourself out there and trying to make it, either in entertainment, business, or anything, you are broadcasting to others that you are trying to live your dream. This is something that countless humans try to do but fail to accomplish. Get ready to be hated because you are trying to live something they can only dream of. So just accept your fate and embrace the hate. It is just standard operating procedure.

But Second, pay attention to your fans. Don’t focus on the wrong people. The Haters don’t deserver your time. Fill your thoughts with those who love you, and do not dwell on those who don’t. You do this and you are on your way to making it.

So again,
Don’t do it for the 100. Do it for the 1. And you will be surprised at how soon those 1s make a 100.


Keep Smiling,



Back to the sea, for the first time.


I was born and raised in Southern California, so you would think that I was a big surfer when I was a kid. But not true. In fact, I barely ever went. I can count the amount of times I rode a surf board on one hand; and the amount times I actually got up on the board and caught a wave is even less.

But I have done it before. So I am not that bad.

Recently my brother Tony and I decided that we wanted to start surfing. We already had boards, we just never actually went. Today changed that. We got our boards in our cars, I slipped into my new wetsuit, and we headed down to the beach. Along with Aline too, who took some beautiful photos of us. She is a natural photographer by the way. With the shots she got, you would think that we are natural surfers, but in reality the surf sucked and there weren’t any waves to catch at all.

But, we got out there. And that was the real accomplishment. Today we could have just put it off like we have done so many times in the past, but no we actually got ready, drove to the beach, and went into the Pacific Ocean. And it was nice. Especially for me. My wetsuit (4/3) kept me insanely warm. I wasn’t cold at all. I am loving this thing. I can’t wait to get back out in the water again with it. It’s the next best thing to being in a Jacuzzi.

Okay, not that warm, but you get the idea. In short, its freaking awesome. And I am extremely proud of that fact that now I actually am a Californian who surfs; even if I suck currently. At least I actually surf. This way now when I tell people I am from California they don’t get disappointed learning that I don’t surf. It’s time to get people excited about SoCal stereotypes.


Shaka Brah (keep smiling in Surf-Speak),


Day 1 at the Gym… Again

A couple days ago I signed up for a gym membership at 24 hour fitness. Now this is not a new experience to me. I have signed up for many gyms of which I never used. I barely used the YMCA in high school, and then I barely used my school’s gym in college, and then I barely used Gold’s Gym, and then I barely used the JCC, and then I barely used LA Fitness.

Now it is time to not barely use 24 hour fitness but rather actually use it. We will see how it goes.

My gym experience is going to depend on two things. One, self-discipline, but then two, on having friends to go work out with. I personally hate doing non-work related things by myself. I love going out to eat with a friend, or a movie, or the gym etc. as long as I have someone to hang out with. Coffee shops are excluded, I can do those alone. But other than that sign me up wit a pal and then I am ready to go.

Today was fun though. Tony and I went in and worked on our lower and upper back, biceps, and abs. I got a solid workout in as well because Tony was pushing me. This is exactly what I need to get a real workout because if I am alone, I always just wimp out. But thanks to Tony I got it real good this time.

We also ran into another person we went to High School with. Tony was friends with him, I knew the name but never had met him. It was very cool finally getting to meet him. Really nice guy. And super tall too. I mean he made Tony look short, so you know this dude is Tall.

He invited us to play Volleyball with him in the coming weeks. I am down. Volleyball is fun, except I totally know that I am going to get spiked in the face by him but that’s okay. It will probably be a friendly spike. If that is a thing.

To sum it up, the experience today was a great. I actually got a work out today and I had a good time with Tony. I even made a new friend and had another message me on instagram letting me know that he is a member, so there are even more friends to go work out with. Exactly what I wanted.

My goal is to keep at it with the gym for a while. Build some discipline or myself as well as some muscle. And a six-pack. I have always wanted a six-pack but I always just gave up with exercise. Time to get it straight and just commit to it. Besides, I hear ladies are into that sort of thing?

Until next time everybody.


Keep Smiling,