Setting Priorities

couple-home-house-1288482

Even as a kid I lamented how there was just not enough time in the day. My Second Grade schoolteacher Mrs. Canady had commented to my mother,

“The hardest thing for Nolan will be to choose what he wants to do.”

Truer words have never been spoken about me. And its not because like many people I hate what I do and I just want to quit doing, it is in fact the exact opposite. I love doing so many things I am always trying to do as much as I can.

My new goal is to become a modern renaissance man.

But with that said, I still need to pick a career. Something that I can stick with and bring in reliable income of which I also enjoy. Over the past year especially I bounced from job to job testing out which I would enjoy the most. I went from working in internet entertainment, to on political campaigns, to auto sales, the moving & storage industry, as well as a brief foray into insurance that quickly led me to the realization that if I was going to go back into sales I might as well do it in real estate.

The thing that I love most is meeting people,

and especially being able to make a personal connection. If I was selling insurance it would be a more auto-sales type of job where the customer comes in but is out of the office before the end of the day. I wanted something a little more than that. Where my interactions were a little deeper.

What better than real estate? I get to meet all types of people from all over and get to know them over a decent enough length of time. Couple that with being able to sell them a product that they will be excited with and the ability to make a good living?

Count me in.

So after passing my Real Estate Exam two weeks ago I decided that I really need to get my priorities straight. Real Estate can be an absolutely great career for me, but it is not something that will just fall into my lap. There is intense competition between hundreds of other local agents and thousands of regional ones. How I am going to make it such that that a potential buyer or seller chooses to work with me over another agent?

In short, I need to get myself out there.

And that starts with getting outside of my apartment. No one is going to meet me and I won’t have that chance to strike up a conversation with a potential buyer or seller if I never get outside into the public eye. Further, now is the time to work. I am just starting out. Sure, maybe down the line I can take my foot off of the gas and relax a little bit, but surely not now.

Right now I need to work hard, and further, I need to work smart.

If there is another lesson I have learned recently, it’s that you might have the right intention, but maybe you are not going about it the right way. You have to think about how you can make something work out in a way that actually is going to be effective. Sure there are many different roads and methods that might get me leads, etc. but I need to make sure that they work with me and are something sustainable.

One thing I have thought a lot about is the usage of social media. Today many people are all about social media selling, e.g. posting on facebook, instagram, etc., but to be honest with you,

I really do despise social media.

Mainly because I believe that it is a lot of work that really does not bring about a huge yield. Over much social media usage on my twitch stream I felt that it did not bring that many additional viewers to my show. And worst off it was a lot of work for me. It felt very inefficient. But it did really help me notice my strengths. Many times my new viewers were people that I met in real life, or those that I struck up a conversation with in game. Anyone that had a more personal connection to me was much more interested in me and the chance of them coming into my stream was so much higher than that of the people browsing my instagram posts, etc.

I fully understand that my best strength is meeting people in real life.

And this is because I truly love people. I naturally talk to the person in line next to me, the person walking to their car in the parking lot, every cashier I meet, every barista, almost every single person that I come in to contact with.

And I love doing this.

It’s why I came back from Oregon. To be around and be with people. So to me instagram, facebook, and other social media websites are just shallow attempts at what I naturally enjoy doing face to face. I would rather just opt out of that and stick to what I do best.

Now of course I understand that social media is the standard today so I have been working on my profiles and getting them set up so that people can view me and reach out, but as for active daily content on them I am not interested. I will use them to the level that I feel is standard for work, but past that no dice.

I have my other ideas about how I will get my work done.

Just watch, I am going to get out there like never before. Even though I have my own place now, I am hardly going to be there. If you want to catch me, find me at Yoga Classes, Toastmasters functions, Chess meetups, Coffee Shops, and much more. I even have a couple secret hare-brained ideas up my sleeve for how I am going to get some new  leads.

And I tell you, most people who hear them will surely tell me that they ate stupid and won’t work, but trust me I know they will.

So now it is time for me to set my priorities and focus on my real estate career as number one. Further, my plans are to set the vast majority of my activities to be things that can also help towards my real estate career in some way. My goal is to use my time in the most efficient way I can, and that starts with being social.

And in the flesh. Not on the keyboard.

 

Keep Smiling,

Nolan

 

The Only Boy in the Room: A Young Man’s Journey into Yoga

beach-calm-dawn-267967

Today marks a week since I first forayed into Yoga. Reader, I can assure you that Yoga was probably one of the last things that I thought I would ever partake of. Mainly because I had the experience of dating a girl once who was truly not genuine. She would go to yoga classes and take the photos with her friends on instagram, but I tell you it was only for that. She really was not passionate about it at all, it was just something that was done to be seen and to be trendy.

I really am not a fan of when people continuously do things that they have no passion in simply to just be “cool.”

So after that relationship I will be honest, I had a sour taste in my mouth and I looked on Yoga with a bad judgement. But then I met another girl, and this time it was different. She was seriously into yoga and had been doing it for many years. Such was she passionate about it that she had begun taking Yoga teacher training classes so that she could teach on the side in addition to her main job.

I was actually interested.

On a date we were talking about Yoga and I made the comment that I honestly could not even touch my toes. She then told me to reach for them and that she would adjust me. The two of us did some simple Yoga for a bit and I quickly began to feel much better after the stretching. Further I was surprised that I could almost touch my toes!

I now had become more interested.

Later on I texted her saying that I would take a Yoga class, of which she was excited that I was going to give it a go. A few days later I wound up in my very first Yoga class. My teacher’s name was Cherise and what happens next was straight out of a Rom-Com. I was the only boy in the room, and by the end of the class as the women were looking poised, I was completely drenched in sweat.

Yoga had kicked my ass.

But this effectively did the job on selling Yoga to me. I have since then taken three additional classes with a new teacher each time as well. I already can touch my toes at will, and my back and body feels in much better shape. My breathing also is much much better and I feel more at peace than I have in a long time.

I already can honestly recommend to anyone that Yoga is a great activity and that it is not just for women.

Which brings me to my next point. Why is it that Yoga is so predominantly female dominated in America? In India, where Yoga actually comes from, there are many male Yogis. So why is it different here?

I believe there are two reasons. First, America being a fundamentally Christian country has sidelined women in a clerical role. Sure, there are Nuns in the Catholic Church, but at the end of the day they are not allowed to celebrate mass like a Priest or even a Deacon. And in other protestant dominations, for the most part, there is no role at all for the females.

I believe that Yoga in America has created an avenue for a modern priestess.

Make no mistake about it, while every single Yoga class I have taken has been a great stretch, very calming, and a workout, it also has been accompanied with a homily at some point throughout. Often these life lessons are accompanied with astrology, but even those without have some sort of life lesson imparted on the participants from the teacher. For many women who have something spiritual to say, yoga is the only mainstream avenue. Many ancient religions had priestesses, in fact often times many of them. And further I do not believe that human nature has changed much, if at all, so the fact that our American society lacking them inclines me to believe that this was a major factor in Yoga’s popularity.

Women now could be a priestess again.

My second reason comes from Leonard, a man I just met with at this Starbucks while I worked on this post. I told him my hare-brained idea about Yoga being an avenue for a modern priestess which he agreed but also disagreed with. He said that it does make sense, but he also believes that a big part of Yoga being more popular with women in America had to do with rugged American individualism. Leonard stressed that for many years in America individualism was taught with a very masculine mindset. E.G. the lumberjack in the woods chopping trees, or growing your own food, building your own house, being extremely strong, etc.

Men in America lifted weights. Stretching and Meditation? Please! That must be for the girls!

Now, thinking about this second reason I still have not made up my mind. To me it is a chicken or the egg argument. Was Yoga considered feminine because it was viewed as un-masculine compared to traditional American exercise? Or simply because more women gravitated towards it (maybe because of my priestess idea), thus associating it with the female gender.

I am still bouncing between the two ideas, but I do think that there is something here as well. America has historically been home to large muscle-building and masculine strength so Leonard’s theory does fit in my opinion.

Wrapping up my post, these are the two main ideas as to why I believe that Yoga has become pre-dominantly female in America, but I will say, make no mistake, Yoga is not just for women, and further it will kick your ass. At least if you are doing it correctly.

And if the Yoga you are doing is too easy, then you are doing it wrong. Push yourself further.

So far one week in, I am really enjoying my classes and I am looking forward to seeing where it will take me. At the very least it gives me a fun place to go every day if I want to, and get a good workout. It’s also pretty fun being around lots of beautiful women on the regular. I won’t deny that.

So guys, sign on up.

 

Keep Smiling,

Nolan

People Want to be Accepted

adult-cellphone-cheerful-1530313

A few days ago I wrote a post about a follower of mine who seemed to have elaborately trolled me. He had told me that his sister attended the same college which I had graduated from which made me very excited as I went to a very small university. Running into other graduates or student from my college is an extremely rare occurrence.

I was naturally very excited.

It turned out that the whole story was a lie. When I visited my college earlier this week to visit my favorite professor I then took some time to go search for this follower’s sister. She was nowhere to be found and further no student with her name or with a name anywhere close to it had ever attended the school.

I thought that was strange.

I went to my stream and asked around as to what happened. Maybe he got confused with my college’s name? No, surely that was not possible. After all there currently is only one Thomas Aquinas College and we had talked about the area in which it is located. But I didn’t want to think that he had lied to me yet. I trusted this fan.

After all I thought we had a connection.

But then he came in my show and told me that he had trolled to me. And that he couldn’t believe that I had fallen for it. I was extremely disappointed, and I informed him of that very clearly. Over the next day or two I thought a lot about what happened. I just couldn’t wrap my head around why someone would play a joke on me like that. I mean it just didn’t add up. I understand shit talking, and calling people names, prank calls, and just in general offensive behavior.

I understand why people to normal trolling. I’m not defending it, but at least I get it.

But this was different. In this situation this follower and I had built up a relationship and we had talked regularly on my stream about my school, his sister, and etc. It seemed to me to be the potential beginning of a real in person relationship. I mean after all, we could just meet each other in real life at the annual school commencement ceremony. And that would be fun! Getting to meet a cool fan in real life! It’s what I love doing, it is a huge part of why I have stayed streaming, albeit I do it in limited fashion at this point.

But then it was all a lie. And it just did not make sense to me. There was a part of me that just could not believe that he trolled me in the way that he did. Why would he make such an elaborate lie about his sister and the school in the way that he did? He never once tried to scam me for money or anything else during this ordeal. So I wondered why he made this bond only to destroy it? I decided to call my parents and tell them what had happened. Quickly my Father had something very insightful to say.

He simply told me that most likely this person did not want to troll me, but rather he wanted to be my friend. He likely wanted to have a deeper connection with such that he made up stories with which he knew I would resonate to such that I would become more interested in a friendship with him.

He probably thought that I would never visit my school and if I did maybe it would be after she graduated so in effect he may not have gotten caught. Who knows, he could very well have just been trolling me after all. But I do think that this explanation makes more sense.

People do lie. And they lie all the time.

And they often lie for the strangest reasons. It is often the case not because they want to cheat someone out of something, but often enough because they just want to make a friend. Usually they are innocent lies such as that they went skiing on some mountain that they never have been too, or that they played baseball at this field back when they were younger which they didn’t, but these conversations almost always in effect build camaraderie between the two parties discussing.

It is a simple tactic that will build rapport, and in most cases no one will ever find out the truth.

That it is until they do. And then the liar is really in a hole. Because here is the biggest issue with lying and why it is so terrible. If someone lies once, then they might have lied twice, or they might lie again.

Trust is no longer possible.

And without trust people cannot maintain or have a quality relationship. This is the real fallout of lying. Just don’t do it. It really is not worth it. All it takes is for one lie to throw everything into doubt. Even if the lie itself is not important. Say such as that some person never actually went skiing in Aspen. Even though no one got hurt by this lie, anyone who is now aware of it will doubt anything that person says.

This is the natural fallout of lying.

But then with such risk, why do people do it? Well, I believe because many people out there just do not know how to socialize. Maybe they got screwed over in School and were bullied such that they had no friends, or they lived alone for a large portion of their life and are awkward socially, or for whatever reason were never particularly good at it. The bottom line remains the same, they just don’t know how.

But that doesn’t mean that they don’t want to. Au contraire, they want to socialize more than most others, and this is precisely because they lack it. So these people will go to any length to try to build rapport with others, especially lying. Just say that you did something or that you know someone that is mutual to another party and voila you already have friends. No other effort required!

But, as I stated earlier, this does not last. Eventually the truth comes out. And the consequences are disastrous. Usually the relationships implode permanently.

In the case of the follower, I believe he was jealous of the relationship that I had with his friend. Originally his friend was the one who watched my show and we struck up a camaraderie through discourse about how to be successful in the future. The follower then followed my advice which resulted in gaining an internship of which he was so excited he then recommended by show to his best friends. This is then where I met the follower who ended up lying to me.

I believe that new follower was jealous of the relationship that I had with his friend and thus came up with a story that gave him a mutual background such as mine such that I would become closer to him and to his friend. He then likely presumed that I would not catch him in his lie as I would not visit my old school, but when he realized that I was going to he found himself in a pickle. Instead of declare to me his lie, as that would likely be too embarrassing he decided to change his stance and then when he would get found out reveal that he never cared about me and was just fucking with me the whole time, which is then what happened.

Now, I cannot say for certain as to this being the motive, as only the follower himself knows the true motive, but I believe that this explains what happened in the most sensible manner.

People want to be accepted, and they will do anything to have that given to them: Even lie.

For those reading this, if you are someone who wants to be accepted by others, do not lie. Found your friendships upon truth. I do realize for some of you that this may be very hard. Some people are just not naturally apt to meet people and make friendships as others are, but this does not mean that it is impossible. It might require some more work, and honestly maybe some coaching from a professional to learn how to socialize better, but whatever you do, do it honestly and the correct way.

And you will be rewarded with real friends, and real relationships.

 

Keep Smiling,

Nolan

 

Feeling Disappointed

board-game-business-challenge-277052

A few months ago I made a new fan in my twitch stream. He was from Stanford and he was concerned that although he was going to a great school of which he was very proud to have been accepted into, he was concerned about the amount of debt that he was taking on. I told him that if he merely passed his classes and did nothing but that while he was at Stanford that there might be a real chance he would not have anything lined up post graduation and that he might seriously be in the financial mess that he was currently dreading.

I argued however that considering he was attending Stanford, the world really was his oyster. I told him with a school like that there are so many extra-curricular events and meetings that happen every day of which if he attended them and further waiting afterwards to meet the speakers he soon would not be worrying about whether he would get a job post grad, he would be in a new predicament of choosing which job to take.

The fan took my advice, and the way I found out was that a few days later he returned to my channel to inform me that he already had procured an internship for the summer! He was very happy to have already gotten himself rolling and further he was thankful for my advice he told all of his friends about my show and encouraged them to watch.

I was ecstatic! These kinds of moments are what I live for as a streamer.

The next day or so a new viewer came into my stream. He said his friend had told him about my show and that he really recommended to him to watch me. The new viewer and I got to talking about things and during the course of the discussion my college came up. I told him that I went to Thomas Aquinas College and he responded

“No way dude! I know that school!”

I was surprised. I had gone to a good college, but due to its small size (only 300-350 students) and its particularly religious affiliation as well it serves as a niche college and it is relatively unknown to most people. To find someone else who not only knew about it but also praised its schooling was quite cool. It surely is something that does not happen very often to me. Further, the new viewer then informed me that his sister currently attends the school.

Talk about a small world.

Over the next few months this fan would come in regularly and I would at times crack jokes or make comments about my school and such as there was a common understanding there. Now every year I usually get up to visit my college as it is relatively close and I enjoy seeing my favorite professor when I get the chance. He was going to be moving to the East Coast in a month or two, or so I had thought, so I traveled up to the college along with a present I had gotten for him. I figured while I was there I would also meet my fan’s sister.

I thought it would be a fun moment.

After I had arrived at the school I asked around to my professors and some students if they knew of this girl by the name of “Katie.” None of them had heard of her which I thought was strange as the school was so small that people always knew every single student’s name on campus, despite if they were friends with them or not.

I had no luck finding my fan’s sister, but I saw some old friends who currently work at the college as well as had a great time catching up with my favorite professor. Note, he loved the album I got him, as I knew he would. I got him “New Levels New Devils” by Polyphia. Great album, and I know listening to it will be a guilty pleasure for him lol.

The next day back at my apartment I booted up my stream and my old fan came in, the original one who I inspired to go for the internship. I told him that I went to my old college to visit but I did not find his friend’s sister there. I told him that there was no student by that name in attendance. He went and grabbed his friend from the floor above him and then when he came down into his room he was given the keyboard. He then typed to me,

“Dude did you honestly think I would tell you where my sister went to school. This is twitch. Come on man.”

The whole thing was a lie.

Over the past few months this person whom I thought was a fan, had been lying to me the whole time. His sister never went to my school at all, and all those moments we had talking with each other were all based around a cloud of fraud. I was extremely disappointed.  I thought to myself,

“Why would someone do that?”

It really was a strange thing to lie about. It wasn’t like how I was when I was a troll back when I was young. I just said stereotypical offensive stuff and my trolling intentions were clear right out the gate. I was just being a little punk. And that was bad enough, I am not excusing myself at all. But this was different. This viewer befriended me and got me excited through a potential common ground of knowing some of the same people and that we might even meet each other in the future (something I normally love to do with fans, maybe now I will have to re-evaluate this as I don’t know if I can trust them) at the college say at a future graduation or something.

And further, as an alumni, I get very excited whenever I find that someone goes to my school or is interested in it. That is just the nature of belonging to any organization. You get excited for others that are a part of it, or are interested, or that know anything about it: especially if it is a small one.

This is exactly what this viewer took advantage of.

Yesterday felt really shitty. I was disappointed that it wasn’t true, but even more so that someone I thought was a fan, and for the past few months at that, would do something like this. All of this bonding was just to let me down? Well, it did. I will give him that.

It really did let me down.

But today is a new day, and I have to move on. It’s a shame that it happened, and I guess that shows that I can’t be so easily trusting of others, at least that is the lesson I can pull if anything from this whole ordeal. But that also makes me sad as well. The ability to trust my viewers allows for me to have such a special show with my fans where we can have real conversations. I don’t want to stop doing that, as the rest of my fans are honest with me. I really don’t want to let this one viewer ruin what everyone else so readily enjoys.

I will keep my head up. And I hope this article serves as a sort of inspiration for anyone that is a troll who is reading this. I remember when I was young and I was a troll. I did it to make others mad or annoyed, because at the end of the day, back then I was extremely insecure and I validated myself at the expense of others.

It was juvenile.

Further, I realized that it hurt people. And that is something awful to do. I don’t want to hurt people, in any way. In fact I love doing the exact opposite. I love building them up and inspiring them. Putting a smile on their face and making them laugh, and making them feel that someone out there actually gives a care.

But that comes with age.

When I was young I had not realized that. And that is just how it is. I encourage everyone reading this to think it over, and if you are one of these types of people that enjoys messing with other people (in any way, shape, or form) stop for a second and think about why you enjoy doing that? And if it is because you are insecure or other things are happening in your life that you are not happy with, and you are taking your anger or issues out on others, just please stop.

Focus on yourself, don’t harass others. Just grow up. We all make mistakes, and we all do dumb or shitty things to other people. I myself have done that many times in the past and I unfortunately know that I will as well in the future. I am human, it would be a lie for me to say that I will be perfect from here on out.

But I work to be a good person every day, and to improve on my past mistakes. And if reading this post helps you get there, and think about this on a deeper level, then I will no longer feel disappointed at all.

Instead I will feel proud.

 

Keep Smiling,

Nolan