Having an Unadulterated Passion


I know I referenced “adultery” in the title of this post. Talk about old-school click bait practices. Unfortunately that might go over most people’s heads because I don’t think the Bible is any longer on the New York Times Best Sellers List.

Jokes. Zingggg

Anyways about my post today. Recently I have decided to stop trying to “make it” as an internet streamer after my long journey of four years. Now, this doesn’t mean that I am going to stop streaming, rather it means that I am going to stop streaming with the goal of becoming famous and having large numbers of fans.

My last few posts elaborated on why I would not want such a thing as having any level of fame comes with many severe drawbacks. But, today I want to write on how having a true passion, devoid of fame and other responsibilities that come with it after it becomes monetized, is quite nice.

When I do my show just because I want to entertain my fans, that cannot be beat.

I am there live entertaining and conversing with my true fans, the people that have watched me for years through the highs and the lows, and really it is just about friendship.

Here my content is finally pure.

It isn’t about making money, or getting views, or doing any gimmicks to gather further support or ratings. It is 100% about interacting with the fans and doing it for fun.

Many times in the past when I did the show, my content would change due to my other motivators. Maybe I would dress a certain way to get views, or use lots of props, or be really loud, or play certain games, or in worse cases become greedy, and try to shame viewers into supporting me.

There were some bad moments.

But it makes sense. Once you have other motives, namely fame and money, influencing your passion. It changes how you approach it. If you are not careful it can easily taint it. I would argue that I am a decently moral person too. Hell I even have degrees in Philosophy and Theology. I am no stranger to moral arguments and at the very least consciously thinking about what is right and wrong. Yet this didn’t prevent me from taking my stream down some unfortunate paths.

After all, I am human too.

And just like other humans, I can get greedy, and I can be a douchebag. But this also comes with the territory. Once the goal is to make money and get famous, then you necessarily will start operating differently. Sure my show was fun and genuine before those were the direct goals, but maybe doing it that way would never guarantee the success and goals that I was seeking. So I decided to change it up. This often would get me views but often at the expense of changing the quality community I had as well as making my show less fun for me in the long run.

It was no longer about having fun with people that cared to watch me. It was less about a passion and more of a business endeavor.

This got me thinking. Why don’t I just keep streaming a passion of mine and just focus on regular work as my business endeavors? This way I wouldn’t have to worry or focus on money. My job(s) are for that. My show can now just be for fun.

Now this is a big development for me.

Back in the past I have always been very vocal about how I did not just merely stream for fun. I did it because I believed that I could make a living out of it, and that it was fun on top. What could beat that?

But many twitch streamers disagree with me on this point. They believe it should be about fun first, money, fame, and success should just be an effect of a true-natured show. I can surely understand their reasoning here, but I still disagree. If someone wants to make it on their show that is totally fine with me. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having aspirations. Why any twitch streamer does what they do is entirely up to them.

I am not going to make the decision for them, and further say that they are in the wrong for coming to their respective decision as to why they choose to stream.

But I will say, that now that I stream purely for fun, it honestly couldn’t be better.

There is no more stress on my show. It is just for my fun and for my chat’s fun. It doesn’t matter if I don’t get a lot of views, or no tips, or subs, etc. It is all well and good that I just enjoy the stream with those who already care about me.

The stream is finally unadulterated.

I have no other motivators outside of simply wanting to come interact and entertain my fans. As I am now solely focused on my business endeavors for money (which is honestly healthier for both me and for my pockets than relying on twitch money) and coupled with that I am no longer interested in having a large audience, my channel is finally about me being me.

Who cares if I don’t entertain a large crowd? I don’t. I already have my crowd. They are the Cult. And they watch me for me.

Talk about loyal fans.

But it really is nice this way. And it makes me feel very at peace when I do these kinds of streams. Many twitch streamers in the past have always talked about their communities that they built and mine was always a little different. I really do have an interesting mix of people in my channel as over the years I have played many different games, tried many different tactics, and thus my channel reflects that.

I have fans from the Counter-Strike days, the Rainbow Six days, the IRL streams, the SURF streams, The truck sim Streams, Dark Souls, Music, Book Talks, Chess, and more. The people that still watch all come from many different backgrounds associated with my channel, yet they come in to watch me.

And now I can finally give them just me. With no strings attached.

Cheers to making the Cult, a much truer cult.


Keep Smiling,



Why is this news?


I realize that I am getting to this post a few days late, but it is something that has been on my mind the past few days and I have just not gotten around to it.

Recently Beto O’Rourke has decided to run for President and already the personal character attacks have begun.

It really didn’t take much time did it.

Now I understand this very well as I have actually worked on political campaigns in the past.

I don’t like it. I believe it is dirty. But I understand that it happens.

When you run for office your name just gets dragged through the mud.

But I have standards. There are some things that are just not news. They simply don’t matter. Chiefly things that politicians did when they were way back in high school. Apparently Beto wrote some literature where he fantasized about running over a child and killing him. Some dark stuff, sure. But you know what?

Why is this news.

We are talking about what a teenager wrote for Christ’s sake. We all know that what people do as children and as teenagers has often little to do with what they do as adults. Hell, how many of us did things that were incredibly stupid or offensive as kids that we never did later on in our life? I would bet that most if not all of us are part of that camp.

I can tell you that I sure was.

Back when I was in high school I was an internet troll. I would say anything and everything just to get people mad! Especially if I had an audience, e.g. friends that I was playing with. I said the N-word, the F-word, and much more just to get a rise out of people. And further, because I was told that I couldn’t.

Now, am I proud of any of this behavior?

Hell no I am not.

And further, I wish I never trolled people like I did. It pisses me off at how stupid I once was because nothing would make me more upset for my name to be dragged through the mud as a “racist” (something I deeply am not) because of insulting things I said through microphone when I was teenager.

I look back at my behavior and see that I was just a tiny, angsty, teen boy trying to get a rise out of people. I look at Beto and see a similar situation. Just a teen going through teenage stuff and being moody.

By the way here is a Pro Tip: If you want a teenager to do something, just tell them that they aren’t allowed to. Then they will surely do it.

When did we lose the ability to grow up? To realize that kids do stupid shit, and I really mean stupid shit. But that is what growing up is about. We can’t and we don’t expect kids to behave appropriately. That is why they are taught and raised so that ideally when they become adults they are good functioning members of society.

We all know this.

This is further proven by the fact that we have an entire separate court system and law for juveniles. It is so obvious that when a child, or a teenager commits a crime or does something wrong that it is far different from when an adult does the same.

And this is because it takes growing up and maturity to make appropriate decisions. 

So why doesn’t the media just leave this shit alone? Why don’t they judge Beto on his politics and his life decisions he has made as an adult? Why must they go after his “troubled” high school years? And further, calling them troubled is likely a stretch. If we look at every single kid in the same light then all of them would be troubled.

Everyone has done something dumb, offensive, immoral, wrong, offensive, etc. at some point.

I don’t care who you are. I know this is true. And if you deny it, well then by God you must be Jesus and I would sure as hell like to meet you and follow you.

Teach me oh wise one.

But spare me the bullshit. We all know we have done dumb things, and especially so when we were young. So the fact that news outlets and people were reporting on stuff about Beto’s childhood really rubbed me the wrong way.

It’s not news. It’s just a really sad character assassination.

Mind you, I am not a Beto fan. I really doubt that I am going to vote for the guy. But I will tell you that I have the decency to smell an unfair character assassination when I see one, and that is the real story here.

Where the hell has American decency gone?

So much of the time what is being written is really not important, and further with these character attacks I would love to see exposes written on the people that write these stories. I bet every one of these writers has done something just as or possibly more fucked up at often times than whatever and whoever they are writing about.

I try not to judge people in general, but especially so when I know that I have made similar mistakes in the past. I try hard to not be a hypocrite. Is that so wrong? It seems that nowadays few people try to do this.

Anyways the whole thing is just so unjust to me.

And look at that. I just did a google search of Beto to make sure I had spelled his name correctly before I posted this blog and apparently there is a new article about how Beto pranked his wife with one of his baby’s turds saying it was an avocado?


This is so inane. It doesn’t matter. Let’s please return to politics, namely the actual issues. Not the things that happen in the bedroom, or in the home, or back in their childhood.

Back to finishing my post. Let people grow up. We don’t need to know about the sins of the past, especially if they weren’t really that bad to ever begin with. Let’s just focus on the issues of the present and further with what people do in their adult lives.

Let’s bring decency back.


Keep Smiling,


Start Saying Hello. It’s a Small World.


I say hello to people, every day, almost every time I see someone. And this has really started to pay dividends. First, because I get to meet tons of new people, get new perspectives, and just in general have an all around better day on the regular.

But, I have started to run into people again for a second time.

Yesterday I was at a Starbucks, and I saw this dude in a Bathory hoodie. I kept starting at him as he just seemed familiar but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Anyways, before I left I complimented him on the hoodie and said hello. He was stoked that I liked the music he listened to and he said have a good day.

Later on I checked up on my Instagram and I see the same dude in the same hoodie in my posts. It was NickWaste a local drummer for the 1034 band whom I met a few months back in Guitar Center! I commented on the photo,


We then chatted some more and had a good time. We will probably kick it soon too. That will be fun!

But then I had another experience.

I met this man Martin in line at IKEA a few days ago. We were both waiting forever so we got to talking. He is from Denmark and is out here working in the shipping industry. We decided to meet up for a beer this week and then I raised him one more and invited him to a local chess meetup. We could play a game and then go grab a drink after.

We had fun playing, I won hahaha (we will see who wins next week) and then we went to this bar around the corner after. We get to talking to these two dudes next to us and what a small world it turns out that one of them was the employee that worked where I work before I got hired! He moved on to another job for more pay and then the company hired me later on.

What a small world.

We talked about all the mutual co-workers we knew and again exchanged numbers as we will meet up again soon at some point. Definitely we are planning to surprise our mutual friend who also works with me and goes to that same bar.

This is what happens when you talk to people.

You make connections, you gain friends, and trust me this world is so small. Much Much smaller than it seems. If you keep talking to people you are going to run into them again. And further you never know who people know. Maybe you don’t see them but you know a mutual friend of theirs. So many opportunities can be opened to you so long as you just say hello and talk to the person next to you.

I’m already looking forward for my next small world moment.


Keep Smiling,


Pacific Living


As most of you may know by now, I now live in Redondo Beach, Southern California. Just a few minutes from my apartment are coffee shops, hit restaurants, Pacific Ocean, The Strand Bike-path, great weather, and just all around good time.

Originally I grew up in Southern California, but I will be honest. As a child I did not appreciate it. It was not until that my house was foreclosed on that my family had to move away did I realize how special living in beach city California really is. Over many years I lived in Oregon, Washington D.C., and inland California, and as each year passed the more I realized that I loved the Ocean.

I didn’t necessarily have to swim in it mind you, but just being near it and seeing gives me peace.

So I came back to Southern California about a year and a half ago and over this course I stayed at few different places courtesy of my friends and family. But eventually it was time to move out and get my own place.

And I couldn’t be happier.

I finally get to decorate it how I want, and work on living how I want. In fact one of the first things I did was get myself a new beach cruiser bicycle. Now that I had my own place, I had my own room to store my things. Beforehand it was complicated to get things such as bikes as I would have to keep them in my friends garages etc. and sometimes people would get upset at that feeling like I was invading their personal space.

But now that I have my own place, I can store whatever the hell I want in it.

So I decided to start with a bike.

And man it sure looks pretty. Metallic Black with white wheel rims, gives off such a classy Southern California look. This is the “Old Skool” model compliments of Huntington Beach Bicycle Company. Today I put on my black jacket and my shades and cruised all my way down the beach to work today.

I got more than a few head nods.

Felt good man. It sure felt good. Riding a bike by the beach in Southern California is quintessential Cali living. It really doesn’t get much better than that. And I didn’t spend any money on gas or put my miles on my car/tires either. That is pretty nice too.

There are lots of bonuses to riding a bike, that is if you have an area that permits it. Luckily I do. Which is also why I moved here. Contrary to many of the past places that I lived in the past 7 years there really was not much to do in any of them. But down by the beach I can surf, swim, bicycle, skateboard, walk around town, etc. and even tonight there is a local chess meetup that I will attend.

I would ride my bike to that too, but the coffee shop is actually so close to where I live I might as well walk!

It really doesn’t get better than that.

Heck, come down to Redondo Beach sometime and if you see a clean Metallic Black HBBC Cruiser rolling around give me a holler,

Because you know it’s me.


Keep Smiling,