Feeling Happy but also So Sad

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Today was a big day for me.

I got approved for my first apartment, all by myself and only for myself. So it has been quite the rush. Calling all the utility companies to get myself setup with electricity, gas, and internet, as well as looking over my floorpan and figuring out what furniture to buy etc.

Thankfully my parents happened to be in town this week, so the fact that this all happened now couldn’t have happened at a better time. (Honestly, the fact that they were present during this team frame likely is what really influenced me to work so much harder at finding a good place.) Anyways today after work I met my parents at IKEA and we shopped around the place looking for things, as my parents could give me a nice opinion.

I’m sure they had a great time watching their son grow up even more.

But the strangest thing happened to me as we paced around the store. Out of nowhere,

I had suddenly become so sad.

And it took me a little bit of time to get out of my funk, and not before I feel like I infected my father with my disease and I got him in a little funk too. That’s the fortunate or unfortunate thing about emotions, they are infectious: sometimes good, sometimes bad.

After some thinking, I think I realized what had happened. Getting my own apartment was something that while I am happy for, it was something I never wanted to do. Earlier this year I was living with a close friend of mine, and it really looked like the two of us living together could potentially have been a really great thing for both of us. When I started living together with him I was very excited, it looked like nothing could be better. I thought it would be a real win-win for both of us.

Unfortunately it just didn’t work out that way.

So I packed up and moved on out. We are still close friends, nothing happened such that we aren’t still in contact or anything, it just didn’t end up working out. And I think that came back to me today as I realized that now I was going into my own place. I’m moving over to a neighboring city, but that enough was a decent enough change for me to start reflecting (at least emotionally) on everything that had happened.

Sometimes you really wonder why things in life just didn’t work out.

That could be jobs, relationships (platonic or romantic), hobbies, living somewhere, anything and everything. And sometimes things just don’t work out. And that is sad. But there really is truth to that every door that closes leads to another one that opens. In that moment it may be tough to think about that, but the last door has already been shut, so it’s time to move forward and open the next one.

And that’s where I am at now.

I’m closing that door behind me, moving on from this last chapter of my life, and starting a new one. And with that change I feel some regret, some sadness, but also some happiness and excitement as well.

It really is a mix of emotions.

And in this time I really am thankful to have my parents down here with me. They live in Oregon and they come down to visit California about 3 to 4 times a year. I really am glad that they were here while I went through all this. Moving can be really tough, just logistically, but even further, emotionally. Changing what place you call home can bring up a wide array of emotions and in this time I am so glad my parents were here for emotional support; even if nothing much was said about it.

Just knowing that they were down here made me feel so much better.

Good luck to anyone reading that is moving, or is going through a change in your life. It is a new chapter and what happens is the unknown and the unexpected, but don’t let that intimidate you. You will have to face it no matter what, so you might as well pick yourself up out of your funk/fear and embrace it head on. Sure, sometimes that is much easier said than done, but that is what having good friends and family is for. Keep them close to you and in these moments you will see how much they are worth.

And for those of you who don’t have anyone, keep your head up as well. Your road is much harder, but hopefully if you keep on pressing down it, it will lead you to a new chapter where you will find friends and family such as that.

 

Good Luck & Keep Smiling,

Nolan

 

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