Temperance 2.0

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Yesterday I wrote a post about temperance, which was a little rushed, and unfortunately today my post is a little but rushed too. The morning streams are becoming such a fun adventure for me that it is hard to stop them such that I have time to appropriately blog, so here I am at the Starbucks patio around the corner from my work typing furiously to get something written for you all to read before I go back to my desk job.

Yesterday I briefly touched on the subject of infidelity in my post about temperance. This is a big issue as today so many people are cheating on their partners. Now this post is written with regards to people that are in relationships. If you are out there and just single and mingling that’s one thing, and this post is not about this. This post is about cheating, and cheating only happens when partners are trusting each other to be true. If there is no agreement to be true, then that is another story. Now constant fooling around can be another article as well, because the lines can surely be blurred as to what you are in the scope of a relationship and people also often don’t communicate, but I will save that for another post.

Back to the post, I want to start it off with a message that a follower said last night in my stream. Czech_Meowt in my chat said,

“It’s the break down of society.”

I could not agree with her more. It truly is so terrible. Once someone cheats there is no way to trust that person anymore. That bond that you two shared has now been broken. I know what this is like as I have been cheated on in the past. It’s a shitty feeling knowing that the person you are with isn’t loyal to you, and worse that they hid it from you.

How can you go back to them?

If you have kids, or shared interests and possessions then things can be much more complicated as you cannot easily walk away. But restoring the relationship is not without incredible difficulty. Making it work out is extremely challenging because if the person that was cheated on wants to take revenge they can any moment.

Let’s say the one who cheated doesn’t text back soon enough, then the other partner can easily say,

“Oh where were you? Were you cheating?”

I know a person who went through this. It’s terrible. It was a mistake long ago, but forgiveness was never granted. Instead a vicious cycle of revenge was created as the one who was cheated on chose to punish the cheater who had since repented. But then the cheater felt terrible and was angry at the cheatee as that person would not let them be forgiven.

This is what happens when cheating is involved.

The stakes are never higher. And honestly its why I think that if cheating happens and it is possible to separate from the relationship more easily (e.g. no kids, etc.) then I recommend it. Because so much damage has been done and can be done, don’t put yourself through that. Just move on and try to rebuild, and if you were the one who cheated, learn your lesson so as not to do it again. And if you can rebuild, then that can be good, but in my opinion it is highly unlikely and it is more likely best to move on.

But also forgive yourself.

People all make mistakes, and by mistakes I mean serious mistakes: cheating included. It’s certainly not okay, but at some point you need to move on with your life and get back to living it. Don’t let a mistake ruin everything else. Now, moving on with your life is likely going to be with a new person, and that will definitely hurt, but that is consequence of what has been done.

And you have to deal with that.

Hopefully this teaches the importance of temperance. The need for self-control, to be able to choose and say no to alternatives. This is so immensely important in the case of relationships. I will tell you all this. Everytime I have been dating someone, no matter how smart she was, no matter how pretty she was, no matter how successful she was, I met other woman that I was attracted to and impressed with.

But did I act on my desires and cheat? No.

I won’t sit here and type this blog and lie and say I’m only attracted to the girl I am dating. That is a bunch of bullshit in my opinion. There are so many great, attractive, datable people in this world, and I am attracted to lots of them. And this is also how I expect the women I date to feel as well. If they told me they weren’t attracted to any other men and just me, I would accept it as flattery, but also as a lie.

Look, I’m cute, but there’s a lot of cute guys out there. I’m not that arrogant or stupid lol.

But back to my main point. It’s just that you need to choose. And both people need to choose this. One person who they want to be with. And that means that when others show up you don’t go with them. It doesn’t mean that you don’t be attracted to them, that is something that is out of your control. We don’t really create our desires, they just happen. But we are in control of our choices.

And that is what attracts me the most.

When a woman consciously chooses me over others. That’s what I really want. Not to have a companion that only thinks I am attractive and no one else is, but rather one that chooses me above others. That is truly special.

And you know,  sure this is sexist I guess because I am stereotyping cheating as happening more on the fault of men than women, but seriously guys,

KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS.

If you have someone in your life that is precious to you, and is amazing, and worth keeping. Show that. Don’t betray that trust. Learn how to be temperate, to control your desires and in doing so be able to foster a great relationship instead of compromising it just to have another fling.

Remember, life is about choices. And if you want life to be good, and not full of stress, you will need to make some. And I understand that those can at times be very difficult and also often paired with sadness. You can’t date everyone, and that is sad because as I said there are lots of amazing people to date, but if you want to make a serious relationship with one, you will necessarily have to decline others.

But that is the way that you will be able to have a truly great one, and in the end that will be worth it.

 

Keep Smiling,

Nolan

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