Valerian is the new Meme

valerian

So I saw a movie recently. It is called Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. It is fucking horrible. So bad. Unreal how bad it is. In fact the only thing more insane than how bad the movie is, is how high the budget was for the movie. It cost 180$ million to produce and clearly they only paid the screenwriters minimum wage.

I mean straight up the dialogue is garbage. The plot is unbelievably predictable and stereotypical. And sadly even the fact that Cara Delevingne stars in the movie changes nothing. The chemistry between her and Valerian (we won’t be naming the actor he is just Valerian) is pathetic. Rihanna makes a cameo only to die twenty laters. The emotions shown upon her death are minimal. Note, her death is the only emotion shown throughout the movie. Commonly many people are killed and the main characters show no remorse. Oh my God.

Listen I made a promise to make a blog post today and so I am here writing a quick one, but writing this I know that this is not enough. I will be back in a few days with a mammoth post on this movie. I think I may watch it again so I can fully deconstruct it. I haven’t seen a movie this bad since Tommy Wiseau’s the room. (The Room is still worse though. No one can take that crown.)

I will be back. Valerian is a magnificent train wreck. It boggles my mind that something that cost 180$ million can be so fucking terrible. And that is what is amazing.

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